having a smile is the first step to be happy, :)

2012-02-02T01:02:00.004+08:00

I'm drained really drainedddddd
what's wrong,
is it me or is it that everytjing's really getting tensed up
i had a bad week start
i had a bad start of this new month
at least to me, they are bad
are they really that bad or is it just, me?

i thought you understand
i thought you know
i thought you will brighten up my day
but
maybe its what i thought so too, in all
it was a bad start

how hard is it to show you're different from others
and i mean really, different?
wait, don't you know?

still, thank you Lord, for yet another day
i know i am still alive

2012-01-21T00:27:00.001+08:00

i'm angsty
but that's cos i care
and yes, i'm worried
but but ahwell.

i'm trying my best, will you not push me away?

2012-01-13T23:32:00.003+08:00

Dear Lord
help me, so drained so tired so helpless
and yup, there it goes
i think i cannot cope

I can't take this pain alone
I can't bear this grief in me
Father, you seem so far from me

as much as possible, i'm hanging on
till, as long as possible

if only we are of the same age,

2012-01-01T21:54:00.004+08:00

on this first day of 2012, I'm thankful for one so dear.

ah i can't think of a place to rant this out, neither i think the idea of saying to you is the right choice
hmm time flies, really flies
you're going to leave and graduate and serve in other areas
and that's quite a (big bad) fact
a place where I could spend time with you, though diff class but still
a place where we belong somewhere the same, and I could just turn and find you anytime
a place where after everything, we could grab food and talk and spend time together
ahhhh, a big change a very big change
I don't like
I don't like changes
though yes, you will still be in church and stuff,
however it's definitely different
way way too different
your presense around me is something I'm so comfortable with
being there whenever I just need someone
guess I'm sounding a little too clingy, but
(now you know why I don't and won't tell you about this, I don't hope to make you feel sad further :)
I will miss you
I really will miss you a lot a lot darling

Dear Lord, i pray that you will allow her to be able to get used to the change. it isn't easy to accept to realised how much things changed, i don't really understand how it really feels like, i know i don't. and i know i am not the best person to 'convince' her, but Lord, may You continue to grant the peace, the happiness, the joy in her and that to also let her realised, she's not alone. shower Your blessings onto each and every one of us as we walk through this year, the change, the different phase and challange we are bound to face. and now i hand the rest of today and all into Your hands, knowning You're the head of all, in Jesus' most precious name, Amen.

i'm tired

2011-12-24T00:41:00.005+08:00

我累了，很累很累。。
i don't understand and i don't know why am i in this?
so long so long, wait
i know i'm too impatience
i'm sorry God, but it really hurts, a lot a lot

不是哭过了，就会感到好一点吗? 但这么，一点痛都没有跑掉呢？

how much i wish someone to be here with me, understand me, but
there's always a but

2011-12-17T23:18:00.000+08:00

因为害怕，所以不敢
我是个胆小鬼。

what has december do to me? or rather, not

2011-12-14T20:25:00.004+08:00

Things can come a long your way, right in your face, like a punch. Easily than not
I never fought back because i hadn't the strength and courage.
Instead. You picked it up and held it above your head and threw it right down the ground
Your face and tone show angst, completely not other way to let it be. I am right here, taken aback and completely clueless as i broke into tears
What can i do? i wasn't brave enough
in this little tone of mine
I said a little prayer to heal
And having to keep a brave front, you gave a stunt
looking back and front, I know it will never be an easier task
But what eventually made me frown,
was those little words of numb.

:)

2011-12-11T13:12:00.001+08:00

yessss, < 24hrs you're back, i count down!

whats right and whats not,

2011-12-08T06:34:00.001+08:00

it doesn't feeel right and i'm confused.

2011-12-05T22:16:00.003+08:00

i'm tired
looking back at this 1st term of semester 2
it had beeen a busy term
from class test to assignemnts to projects to class test(again) assignments and projects again and it goes in a cycle
after, with a 5-days of intense CT,
no break at all this term,
very tiring, very draining
and i can feel like i'm running against time, badly
with in between of problems and changes to handle and tackle tooo,
how long can one sustain?
how much can one hold in them?

amazingly, i'm here now
into my last attachment for this year
perhaps i have been blindly surviving school and work to do
but i know its not with my own strength that i'm able to go through till then
not easy not easy
not denying that i still feel drained and tired
physically, emotionally
with the ups and (many) downs this term unfortunately
i have idea what to do,
but regardlesss,
thank you Lord :)

2011-11-30T21:57:00.001+08:00

sometimes you let me realised something
all you need is just one
and that one, dont have to be me

2011-11-15T02:11:00.004+08:00

sometimes i am shy to say, but i have to proclaim.
i am thankful for the twenty-five ++ minutes today :)
lubbx euu veri veri much jagiya <3
love,
your gleeful  darling

2011-11-09T00:47:00.002+08:00

cos i have no courage
i know i am a timid mouse.

i can't take this pain alone,

2011-11-07T00:53:00.005+08:00

how does it feel like to know that you have nowhere you belong?
i thought its only when you don't want it then it will be taken away?

i'm sorry darling
i don't wish to piss you off
and and...

okay i'm tired

i don't want to be alone,
but. mayb i should be left alone

what a loser like me.

I'm afraid

2011-11-04T23:49:00.003+08:00

indeed, things happened for a reason
there's always a better way out into all situation

but why?
tried and trying so much to stop questioning but it seems so hard
so tough, so tedious

why do we have to go through this
over and over again?
how many times do we have to go through this phase
so long and it doesn't seems like it's ending
and each time round
the hurt gets deeper
the wound got worsen

how easy it is to say and ask not to let it affect you/ your studies
how much it's impossible

i'm tired
physically, emotionally

as tears roll down uncontrollably
I pray and ask for a better tomorrow.

2011-10-26T23:22:00.003+08:00

I cannot believe my eyes
how much I wish my eyes are playing tricks on me
sadly they are not
never have I ever thought.....
i remember you once told me that
if I'm not important, you will just grab me some random soft toy
without going through so much trouble
huh, so what it is you want me to take it as now?

okay I want to sleep

2011-10-09T23:18:00.004+08:00

why do i feeel you no longer care as much
sometimes here or there
i feel redundant
i've no idea whats wrong with me tooo
thought i could handle my feelinggs well enough
instead i proved myself wrong

helpless and angst
you got into me again

why does it hurt so much
to feel all of this once again

love from f.a.m.i.l.y
how situation is,
it play a part too right?
so mayb i dont feel the care and love too,
so then i hope i wil eceive from other alternatives?
ahhhhh i dislike going through this
i shall go and sleeep

and all,
how much i yearn to share with you
but i dont dare to tell you
cos i feel so fearful on how your reaction would be
you dont know how afraid i am, that i will lose you
a coward i know i am

comfort i try to get
strength i try to draw
how long will the above two last?

dear Lord, ich bin erschrocken,
really
and i'm thankful for a chance to feel this way,
at least i know i am still alive.

i think i belittle myself

2011-10-06T00:41:00.000+08:00

and i had a bad day....

R or R

2011-10-03T21:02:00.007+08:00

i dislike disapointing others,
but why do i still do it?
the one who place such high hopes in believing that i am able to do it,
but instead. let you down, failing to prove you right

why is it that
the more you love someone
the greater the impact of hurt becomes
the more you love someone
the higher the frequency of argue occur

isn't it supposed to be like,
if so
then you will not want the other party to be hurt no?

then i thought, is it normal for such to happen,
or. maybe i tend to take things for granted

when things happen
i don't know what to do
then mayb its normal to question
why do we go through this,
is this a test or what,
to reflect or regret?
but regret,
whats the point actually
sigh,
sometimes i abhor myself for others

nonetheless, i know if someone is so dear to me
for you, all i do is worthwhile

2011-09-24T23:50:00.004+08:00

awkward.
ah i don't know how to start this......
i dislike myself from having this feeling of awkwardnesss, very much.
and with just these little and simple words,
it took me 1++ hr to process and post it up in this space.

dont make me walk when i want to fly.

trusting that Your thoughts are higher

2011-09-16T00:40:00.012+08:00

the owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
the owner asks the clerk,'what's with tat guy there by the wall?'
the clerk says, 'well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough.
i couldn't find the cough syrup, so i gave him an entire bottle of laxatives.'
the owner says, 'you idiot! you can't treat cough with laxatives!'
the clerk replied, 'oh yeah? look at him, he's afraid of coughing.'
:)

hmm you know actually, jokes do play a role in our lives?
like when you're feeling all so blue and gloomy,
laughter is the beat medicine.

well, however, this time round it doesn't really work for me.
i wonder why?
i'm into this confused state,
i find myself lost and just like a wondering creature in this alien world.
that kind of feeling at this time this day,
God must has His plans.

nonetheless, whoever chances upon this boring space here,
hope the joke makes you feel better on a sad day :)
(and mayb i shall read this joke again when i feel better)

i dislike going to bed feeling like that, but.
if only i have a choice right.

and humpty dumpty had a great fall.
i fall, fallen, fell.
physically, emotionally,
and i've no idea how to get up,
then i thought, if only i could fly.

though tears of pain may fall out,
i know you're with me no doubt.

2011-09-13T23:05:00.004+08:00

yet again, i'm tired.

and its so scary. i'm not doing much this weeek, yet i get so tired easily.
believe it or not, i've been spending a lot a lot of time sleeeping.
yes, it may seem like how great life is.
indeed on the brighter side, i get to rest and recharged enough
on the other side, i'm wasting too much time :/

sometimes when i tell people i'm not well,
i get so discouraging replies.
whenever i tell others so, they will say, i'm not eating enough
i'm too skinny,
not eating sufficient nutrients needed for the body
and the best reply i ever receive is i'm anorexia :/

isn't it normal for people to get ill?
its only when you fall ill, your immune system will be up again ah
thats why sometimes i dont want to let others know when i'm ill
not that i dont want to say,
but i will think of what replies i will receive frist
they dont give me the concern :/
instead i feeel so unhealthy,
eeeeee,

ahhh,
i've gotten us into this again,
sigh,
let's mend this up, shall we?
'es tut mir leid'

2011-09-13T00:23:00.003+08:00

confused.
ahh,
one is someone who mean so much,
the other is someone who mean so much to the one above.

its a fact, when will i get it right.
so much to say, so much to ask, so much share.
but who can i share it with?
i don't seem to able to find the right one,
and i guess i only can pray.
for i know praying works wonders, other than sleeping :)

2011-08-31T00:25:00.003+08:00

why does this feeling feel so familiar?
why am i not surprised i'm feeling this way?
maybe like what i thought so, i'm just tired.

and, worrying is just like a rocking chair, it brings you forward and back. other than that, it brings you nowhere.

2011-08-24T23:30:00.002+08:00

hmmm
different status, different
what i am willing to do and give
does not mean that i will receive the same amount
then mayb all i can say is that,
thank God for the chance to give, regardless.
and i guess i put myself in too high a position
so when i fall,
it feels extremely painful

i can't take this pain alone
i can't bear this grief in me
Father, you seem so far from me

2011-08-17T19:21:00.006+08:00

many times i tell myself: got to be nicer, just be nice.
i tell people around me, this is it, God teach us to love.
but why is it that when we swallow our agony you became more and more bold.
okay maybe being increasingly bold isn't the right word to say
you were like that all the way.
ever since i was still a little child,
we, kids, got treated like that
she takes your anger
why is it always us to take your anger
sometimes i want to ask, when is it your turn to understand?
yes mayb it's your bad day, but.
i mean who won't go through a bad day,
who don't experience the feeling of being angsty, right?

respect is to be earned, not given.
all along we respect that's why we didn't spill a bean.
all along it's not that we let you down.
all along we thought swallowing and listening would help, rather than answering back.
all along we don't grumble much cos it won't help in anyway
only when you need the chance to change your tone changes, a lot.
only.
then what's the point?
i hate to admit but i guess it's a fact.
with or without, it will be the same.
and if this stay as a truth, that's a horrrid fact
don't you think so?

but whoa, thank goodness we have self control in our lives.
okay at least throughout these years, i gained and slowly will learn to master it.
if not,
chaos.

hmmm feel so terrible
that kind of feeling when you know nothing can help cos you play a minor role
what you say and how you want to react will be that: 'you are wrong in...'
what can i do?
the simplest and easier way to help?
it seem like an easy task,
but why do i find it so hard?
beeeen years been so long,
is it wrong to not say a bit right from the start?
so i wondered,
what if i am allowed to say how i feeel
what if i can just do anything i want
well i'm not upset,
cos the fact that you didnt do anything to hit me directly
i cant say anything
its like what people always shoot across 'she also never say anything, you care so much for what'
just got to be feeel numb,
just hoping one day the day will come
then mayb i can do something
till then then.

and mayb this is the place where i can say my piece, shhh.

all i'm asking
is for a little respect when you come home

2011-08-13T13:56:00.003+08:00

why

I thought.
I thought, yes, just merely thought
ahwell

and the rest let it be,

there is no problem too big, God cannot solve it
there is no mountain too tall, He cannot move it

2011-08-09T21:28:00.005+08:00

:)
hmm i thought if something is that important to you, you wont or maybe will never be lazy to want know more?
then i guesss maybe this is the truth afteralll

anyway, happy 46th birthday, Singapore :) MAJULAH.

2011-08-07T22:30:00.004+08:00

姜还是老的辣
hmm matured ones, older peeps know more cos they experienced more than us right?
and we got to agreee on that, yes?
thats why the first thing that comes to your mind or people always say,
when you face problems at home,
'tell your parents'
in school,
'go tell teacher'
in church,
'tell your leader, pastor etc'
in the society,
'go tell police'

its always the older people we ask help from.
hmm then that brings me to my wondering these few months...
how i wish i have an older sibling.
someone whom i can relate to easily
someone who understands me
someone who really care for me and willing to be there for me regardless
and the list goes on....
not that mine is not good,
not that my parents are not very nice,
but. just that i find it kind of hard to, at times
like you know younger sibling.. :/
i am jealous,
i really envy those who have older sibling(s)
i think i will really really love my older sister or brother, but.
its a sin to be envy, i knowwwww
sigh.
i always want to ask God, why didnt He give me one though?
yes, i know God has His plan(s) for all,
i am not questioning God, definitely.
just ponderingggg
and this is one of the many plans He has..

is being patient the only way to see God's plan in the long run?

2011-08-04T14:05:00.010+08:00

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY DARLING

but beforeeee,

______________

(sorrry if its not very well done, its my first time :/)
hi darling, wanted to send you but i dont know if your com's sound system worksss, so i posted it here.
heh its on my phone too :)
oh, the song in it is for you too! i can send you the song if you wantttt
anyway tata, i'm doneee, this is for you! love you manyy <3
iwitby :)

2011-08-04T11:27:00.005+08:00

and let's take one step at a time.

i realised how much when you want things to work out
rushing them all
dont seem to work out at all
sometimes it just slows down everything
cos there'll be hipcups
sometimes it wont even work out at all,
not at all.

anyway,
i'm into my 4th week of school and its coming to an end soon.
should i be happy cos time flies?
or should i not be cos it nearing to eams?
hah but either or, i am in a realistic world
face the factttt
hmmm school's been fine so far,
and looking at my book of schedule
i realised i've tests every single weeek
and by God's grace i conquer it, thats one
the another would be the results.. :/
with tests and tests
and other than that schooool's the same old usual ones
or mayb, it isnt that boring,
just that either i cant really recall or that i'm too lazy to type it out
oh, i just had people irritating me
and i am really annoyed,
sometimes i wonder
whyyy?
why out of everyone, me?
how can someone of no importance annoy me everyday
and even if you want to be someone that of important to me,
no you just made me have had bad impression of you.
i neeed more patience.
whatever it is, thank God.
for the second term till weeek 4!

there's much to say
but i really cant find the exact words to describe
i want to say
but i cant find the right time
are all just excuses more than a reason?
i dont know,
i 'm trying to figure it out myself tooo
but
if i take a long time,
will everyone be away by then..

everything's been well
everything's been fine
or at least, i'm trying to tell myself to be content.

its a mutual day too
not that the rain made and describe my feelings,
in fact i thought it a cozy day to sleep in
and talking about that,
i realised i am someone who wont want to go to sleep feeling angry or sad or the negative feelingsss
as much as possible
i will say everything,
if not if not i will have nightmares, bad dreams
cos i believe dreams
is the time to dreammm
its like who wants to encounter bad dreams right?

till then,
i am gonna be the best i can
and also, am going to have my fullest days in this area

and i pray to God,
may You ease my pain
may You recover me from my diarrhea
may You give me more patience to know how to deal with when people irritate me
may You send people to tell them i dislike being annoyed
may You continue to shower your blessings to each and everyone
whom i hold dear to
may You give us that extraordinary joy in whatever we do
for all that we do, its for You.

ps: hello darling! i dont know when you'll chance upon this.
but hmm just to let you know, i know it takes two hands to clap
it take two people to make something work, i'm trying my best
to say whenever and whatever
the change you asked for, i'm willing to take up the challenge
i dont want us to stay at a secondary stage,
so i shall walk that extra mile. for you i know i would
till then and making my promise worthwhile
i promise you that,
yours truly though unworthy.

in Your time, in Your time, You make all things beautiful in Your time.

2011-07-31T20:11:00.008+08:00

when i thought it matter so much to me, i realised it isnt the same for you.
__

anyway hmm gonna move out from my comfort zone soooon.
the place where i grew up (since my grandma used to live at this exact same house back then)
the place i can wake up late and be just in time for school
the place where i can really spell convenient
the place where everyone is near
seriously, i am going to miss this place, this house
not really sure why am i feeling sad about it,
mayb cos there isnt anything to be happy about either.

i am going to take a long time to get used to it
i am going to take a long time to love my new surrounding
i am going to take a long time to say, hey this isnt a bad idea.
and the list will go on and on and on..

whatever it is, there's nothing i can do to change the situation around
therefore i shall make good use of the time i am going to spend in this area
be it long or short, fun or not,
to the fullest i can loving this place somewhere i (once) belong.

i wanna heal, i wanna feel
like i am somewhere i belong.

Somewhere I belong
In the wide shelf
Of close contacts
And vieing memories
Richotting off
The long-lost plights.
Persuading pledges
Grieving hours
In succumbing to
Entering no man's land
Torn apart
By a hundred small services
Referring to the small berth
Contextualizing behind
The hidden shafts
Of sunshine rays
Parallel to the circle's curve.

2011-07-17T21:12:00.002+08:00

if we get what we want, does that mean its because we deserve it?
then, if we do not get what we want, does that mean we dont deserve it?

i realised i'm became someone who think a lot.

maybe its because of people around me
maybe its because i'm growing up
or maybe just because, i'm thinking too much.

when we have something we dont treasure it
when we dont get something we complain and ask for it
and sometimes,
when we already gotten what we want, we demand and ask for more

not satisfied
not content

haha and i think i somehow belong there
which i really really dont wish to
i really dont want to

but.
why is it that in a certain place where warmth should be felt
at times, i cant feel it
yes i'm glad i'm being treated way better
i agree that what i get can be more than of compared to the others
but....
i realised i'm someone who need a lot of assurance
not that i dont trust the other party
but i'm not someone whose too high in my self-esteem

i realised to me, actions works better.

and i realised i'm not someone who nkow how to express myself,
my feelings well.

hmm not that i'm being emo
not that i'm not contented with what i have
but i'm just confused
is it that the feeling has gotten numb?
is it normal to feel this way?
i wonder
i really really wonder

many times
i want to show i care
i want to make it obvious i appreciate
but why do my actions prove otherwise.

i treasure the one whom i close really dear to
but why do i tend to hurt
irony, isnt it?
sighhhhh

Lord, may i continue to learn to be satisfied with how things are, with everything in life. Guide and lead me well in accordance to your will despite the doubts and questions i face, i will see your plans in this grey and misty pathway. Leaving all into your hands, people i hold really dear to, my whole week and everything i do, in You i trust, till then i obey. Thank you Lord :)

hard to be sure, sometimes i feel so insecure.

2011-07-06T22:13:00.006+08:00

ifalu
but who can i share with?
who can i say to?

i want to tell i want to share
but i'm afraid.
i'm afraid its not the right timing,
then everything will fall apart.
think before say,
how much it really means and make sense isn't it?

when will i get back my courage again?

it all feels so different now, don't you think so?
or is it just me.
well just know
it matters, to me, it always do

ps: and actually i'm glad no one see this space, its like a diary where i can say anything
not being afraid others will feel and see how weak i may be :)

2011-07-06T21:47:00.003+08:00

lie.
i feeel lies everywhere eeeeee,
such a loser.
ahwell

i feel like a fool, even a non living thing made a fool out of me,
what's more right.

what am i supposed to learn from this?
dont be so last min?
a test for my patience level?
deal with technology?
or is it just not my day today?

sometimes i do hate myself when i feel so lost, not knowing what to do.

2011-06-11T12:54:00.002+08:00

what's wrong with meeeeeeeee.

i'm having hlidays now, thought i ought to be like a happy beeeeee :(

why do i feel sad when i see something that i dont want to,
why am i so selfish
why do i sound so troubled over it
why why why

when will i accept the fact totally
sad
sadnesss brings you nowhere,
its a feeling, but who really care?

i feeeel inferior yet again, for what had happened,
then again, am i worth to think so much, since i created those trouble myself?
i have s=much to say, so much to ask, but i'm scared.
i'm lacking of courage again :(

sighhhhh, whatever it is i have to go onnnnnnnn....

2011-06-09T00:03:00.001+08:00

so is it, if i ask then.....

and darling, smileeee :) though ive no idea what happened, or so, but you seem sad.
love you i'm hereeeeeee :)

2011-05-29T00:45:00.002+08:00

and i realised, maybe,
what i can give was never what you neeeed.

2011-05-27T02:32:00.004+08:00

:)
ever since my last exam, which is erm, in feb, i've not stayed up so late to study.
hmmm having a 3-in-1 paper tmrw, not that i'm anxious, no i'm not.
haha i'm doubting i'm so hardworking actually,
maybe its just that i need more revision,
maybe i'm just too unsure of my information and knowledge i learnt and memorise.
or, maybe, just maybe i'm too last minute.

GLEE.
Glee has really nice songs, its playing on and on and on,
some, its like after you listen, you get a little emotion that kind,
emoooooo, not.

haha anyway school, i'm into my sixth week of school and ive just entered the last day of school for this week.
and guess what, people in primary, secondary and jc, its their team break after tmrw!
1 month of holiday, wooooo
when will mine come to me? :(
the most i have gotten ever since last april is, erm 3 weeks?
nah i'm not complaining, but you know, that kind of feeling when your holiday is never enough, can never be compared to others :/
right, how irony if i say i dont envy them.
k i admit, i do, i really do.

and Lord, i know you wont give me problems to counter and solve if you know i cannot handle. my too much can never be compared to how much you have to carry :( ahhh Lord, show me your way and give me the strength and energy to stay strong regardlesss.
"For when i'm weak, You're strong"
indeeed :)

i've got 3 to tackle, 2 to treasure but there's only 1 of me.

Cause my best intention keep making a mess of things,
i just wanna fix it somehow.

2011-05-15T23:22:00.003+08:00

hmmm and i was thining if i want to say this to you, or rather do i have the courage to?
how am i supposed to go around saying it out.
perhaps typing here is good enough,
so if you ever chance upon this blog, again,
means God really wants you to know :)

firstly, thank you for being so nice to me, despite me getting angsty at times.
thank you for all the little things you've done for me, i appreciate it, really, even if i dont mention a bit of it.
thank you for being so patient with my nonsense and always forever never early.

sometimes i really think, do i deserve all these?
who am i, to deserve such?

haha and nope, i'm not emooo.
just thought that it would be nice to say it out,
honestly it has been inside me for quite some time,
pardon me for i guess i am not someone who really know how to express myself.

anw yup, i'm thankful
and with eevry single thing you do for me,
i say, thank you darling.

i dont know how much i deserve you,
and evn if one day..
all i know would be that, God, youve given me someone i thought whose one plesant present,
thank you awesome Lord.

till then,
goodnight all, its monday tmrw and i hope i have no monday bluessss :)

2011-05-06T20:34:00.002+08:00

i feel like an idiot.
i look like one,
i act like one,
i behave like one,
and i guess i'm being one.

thought its always good to give than to receive?
i convinced myself that.
but.
ahhh forget it, just let me continue to be one.
a smiling one, perhaps.

2011-05-02T15:05:00.003+08:00

why?
why is it that everytime when there's such occasion, we wont be there?
it not a choice i know, but.
i just feel kind of sad,
the feeling of not being there is so..

am i supposed to learn something out of this?
i've been thinking about this each time round,
but i have no idea what it is, ever since.

aaaaahhhh so confusing,

and i guess the best thing is that,
only i care.
or is it that the rest can really hide their feelings so well that i cannot differentiate?

2011-04-30T23:01:00.004+08:00

human are really funny creatures.
i am quite amazed by myself,
how can i actually help someone else and comfort them and when the same issue happens to me, i doubt i can do what i've said.
how ironic isnt it?
how true, easy said than done.

i want to be loved.
i want to feel love like everyone else.
but looking for the suitable one is not an easy task.
other than that kind of love, how about the love you feel in the family?
friendship love?

love.
what is love?
why is it that when we love, hurt is present?
maybe cos you care so much thats why you tend to hurt?
and when we dont, love stays too?
maybe cos we dont love thats why we dont care, so hurt is form?
then why cant we stay mutual?
mayb it helps a little.

if we love, why do we tend to hurt the other party?

and it is stated that,
love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. love never fails.

then how about true love?
if any of the above does not exist, does that mean love is not there?

i dont want to feel hurt, neither do i want to hurt others.
human are troublesome, at least i think i am, so demanding at times.
but what if i want my loved ones to be happy just like i am,
am i asking too much?

and with this verse i pray:
"But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked"
Lord, i pray that you continue to guide me through, in whatever i do, may it be pleasing in your eyes. Let me not hate but love, even those whom i think dont deserve it. May you continue to shower your blessings to my darling, that she will see your plans and continue to trust and have faith in you Lord. Give her a happy heart. I thank you Lord for hearing to my prayer, and i hand the rest of worries and sadness into your awesome hands Lord. Amen.

give us humble hearts to praise you,
and listening ears to hear your voice.
willing hands to serve you,
thankful spirits to rejoice.

2011-04-25T23:27:00.006+08:00

haha am i weird?
i feel so lonely today ive no idea why cos ive never felt so before.
its like i own the whole place but at the same time i don't.
it made me realized something,
realized how fragile and uncertain things can be.
then;
what if one day i'm being forsken and become redundant and become all alone?
how am i supposed to make sure i will make good use of the time?
which will be the best method to handle my thoughts?
what can i do to be productive enough and not be wasteful of time?
then why am i feeling so?

but i will have faith, i want to have some real faith this time round.

ahwell i will pray i will pray, and its may be just a dream perhaps.

darlinggg! one paper down, yayyy :) jiayou with mugging hard and studying well! it will all be well in God's hand! am praying and always cheering you on, even when i'm having lesson and wherever i may be, gambate yo darling *hugs*

2011-04-23T23:06:00.005+08:00

time and again, we face disappointment.
but its until i realised how much one can or has disappoint others for many many times.
and everything, there ought to have uncertainties to face and for us to conquer,
but how sure are we that we can face it well enough and that all will be fine again?

faced disappointment few weeks back,
its a feeling on how much you are disappointed in someone cos of a certain trust you've invest in him or her.

but then thinking again, didnt i expect it to happen one of these days? so mayb back to the issue i am not disappointed with the person, but rather feel for the one whose hurt.

chances and promises we always have, to say to one another to assure the other party, but how sure can we be that it wont happen again? cos in the end, it somehow somewhat resurface once more.

forgiveness, effort seen and appreciated, is that all we are looking and working hard for?

now, in the few weeks later stage,
everything seem normal,
what was being said seeems like stones and pebbles thrown out in the sea, they will never come back.
will the promise made be what you really mean or is it to say just for the forgiveness?
we all ponder and hope much.

and i dont believe sadness will bring us anywhere,
and that it will stay for long, unless.

but what does it mean to be sad?
i wonder.

ps: on the other hand, school's been fine for the first week :) thank you Lord, for the strength to sustain and survive through it all!

- for those i've hurt then and now, i'm sorry. i know it doesnt feel good to be hurt, i'll be someone better i promise.

and take care darling, dont over stresss and overcramp yourself okay? :)

2011-03-20T01:16:00.004+08:00

ohhhhh i am emo, not.

just feeel a little :/
okay sleeping works wonders right.

on a lighter note,
is it that if you share everything with others, people will know you better?

2011-03-20T01:01:00.002+08:00

i need some booster to boost me up.

i have nowhere to say my thoughts, writing it down on a paper seems like a heavier chore.
i have no one to turn to cos, i, myself cant even think and have a clear thought of it.
i dont want to trouble people, to crack their brain to say and make me feel better. what's wrong with me, i think i am getting weirder these days,

i was joyful.
i was feeling happy.
before,

now i am all lost,
feels like i'm walking a cave thats really pitch dark,
a maze that go on and on and on and has no way out.

i am confused with my feelings,
i am confused with my thoughts,
i am confused about everything.
now tell me what am i not confused about?

you said you'll be there when i needed you, where are you now :(

2011-03-15T23:44:00.004+08:00

its getting scary.
why are people not appreciating what we have these days, cherishing what we can hold in our hands?
before we know they will be gone.

ps: and on a lighter note, its so scary to know people do have so many different masks to fit their faces :/

anyway pray for Japan! keep them in our prayers always :)

2011-02-20T22:59:00.005+08:00

haha its been time since i last typed something here.

hmmm i've been wondering what has everything and everyone become into?

it really seems like a scary place to be in, or is it just me?

i no longer feel the care and concern i used to have,

i no longer know what i want and expect.

so many things so little time to decide and whats more there isnt much of time to ponder about it :(

why am i feeling this way, so insecure, so uncertain.

i no longer feel as much care from home too.

is it cos everyone's busy with what we have in our hands, and well not to complain about others, but even myself?

Lord, let me have more and more faith in you, i really detest myself for feeling this way.

trust and obey,
for there's no other way,
to be happy in Jesus,
but to trust and obey.

2011-01-05T21:54:00.002+08:00

haha i dont know why, but i dont feeel happpy at all.

hmmm,

2010-04-04T00:00:00.004+08:00

actually..
i realised sometimes i tend to say things without thinking much when i don't feel too good, ah i'm sorry okay? i really am. i guess i am quite horrible at times eh,

2010-03-31T23:27:00.013+08:00

I always knew looking back on the tears
would make me laugh,

then i realised actually these days i've been thinking a little,
and soon far too much.
the past that represent something, and its only those not so happy and down moments.
why?
is it because i've been staying home these days
trying to keep myself busy,
doing all kinds of productive and not very productive things
or is it a hint to tell me to start thinking about things,
but why only those down moments comes all up to my mind?
or actually its nothing much, just plain thoughts here and there eh
well afterall its normal for random thoughts to come flying right into your mind when no one's beside you
esp when you're trying to get some serious things done.
haha i realised,
i'm not that strong to be left alone to think about things yet,
if not i will start wondering yet, again

and perhaps after every rain and storm then we will see rainbow,
indeed, yes.

maybe that's why sometimes when you ignore, i think i then get less important bit by bit..

//i wish weekend comes quickly so that this week ends faster next week feels nearer right?

anw take care darling, i'm okay already now its something else, but still. for you, get well soon aright :)

eh.

2010-03-30T00:46:00.004+08:00

hmmm anyway i dont know if you'll see this but still,

i'm sorry if i sound a little mean, but well, let's not give each other too much false hope cos we know it won't come true la, huh. goodnight!

2010-03-30T00:14:00.008+08:00

HELLO TODAY IS 29TH MARCH, NO. ITS 30TH :/ OMGOSH SO FAST SO FURIOUS,

heh okay i'm gonna sleeep soon, my eyes are really irritating and i'm still considering... so anw mon blues is offf yay, survived people? :)

HAHA.

2010-03-04T19:10:00.015+08:00

i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll bethere i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll eb there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll eb there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll eb there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll bethere i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll bethere i'll be etehre i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'l be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there ill be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll eb there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there ill be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll bethere i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be therei'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be therei'll be there i'll eb there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll eb there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there
and definately i will..

and i know,

ah well..

haha at times, it goes...

2010-03-02T22:28:00.007+08:00

aye i dont know but i think its time to sit down and give it a serious thought you know. random thoughts at random moment, eeewwwww!
walk walk walk, and i know i enjoyed spending time walking w you for the whole day long today!
and then this song came into my mind:
'as we walk to the right as we walk to the left
as we walk as we walk as we walk all night,
with a heel and a toe and a half turn around,
with a heel and a toe and a new friend found!' :)
(and this is how the song goes la, tannnn!)

anw darling are you better anot, i'm happy though you ain't feeling really well but still want to spend time with me, i know what to do next time! get well soon, dont eat new year goodies please, and no more oily and heaty food first eh :/ btw i'm sorry, i'll try to make sure you know when i'm being serious and when i'm not, next time round k.. ah well okay, take care k darling!

k i think its time to play bejeweled laaaa, :/

//ugh,
then will you give me your word..

2010-02-26T13:41:00.009+08:00

happy (belated) birthday benng :D

hmm i pray and pray and pray and pray and pray.
hah and darling i realised its quite true eh, actually dont have to keep smiling ah.
not feeling happy just don't smile uh, why fake a smile out of nowhere,
(but perhaps its already a habit for me to smile regardless of whether i'm happy or sad)
numb the feeling for me, will you?

k and now i shall go play bejeweled,

maybe afterall i dont want to look as strong anymore, cos right from the start i guess i'm not a very strong person..

2010-02-23T11:15:00.007+08:00

''smile, even if it's a sad smile, because sadder than a sad smile is the sadness of not knowing how to smile.''
haha indeed it's quite true uh, i guess i'm still being able to give a sad smile is better than not smiling.
things change, changes and changed, but sometimes i choose not to believe.
i don't want to, cos i know then it also won't make much of a difference no?
sometimes we will go, who cares, who will bother.. cos those i really want to care for doesnt seems to care anymore,
maybe it isn't true but hmmm, afterall things just seem different.

//haha anyway friend, thanks for saying out how you feel. i really do realised after what you've said made me know what i really want. though you didnt directly said it to me.. but yeah after reading ive though about it.
hmmm maybe its just me but yeah i hope you wont dwell in the past ya. so anw what i actually realised and want to say is that, i wont let go of what i have now just to suit what you want and because of what you said. i'm sorry if what ive said and the meaning behind it sound alittle harsh,
huh, i want things to keep on this way ah.
cos i guess i really love my company now and am comfortable with things too :)

and darling get well soon,
i pray that your throat will get better though it may seem mpossible cos youre facing kids like, everyday.
you know you cannot fall sick, drink water and have plenty rest , eat regular meals and eat many fruitssss.
and if after these two days you still feel horrible, dont be stubbon like me, go see a dcotor kkk!

on the other hand, ehhh i dont want to see doctor, neither do i want a visit to the dentist... :/

2010-02-22T23:44:00.006+08:00

i shall just wait for another day to decide whether to or not to. just give me one more day..

ahyaaaa not again?

2010-02-21T00:28:00.007+08:00

ehhhh i really dont think i made the right choice again..
but ah well, mayb right from the start dropping by was already a wrong decison, i didnt wanted too eh.
move on,
why cant just move on ah.
we all know hanging onto the past wont solve much problem..
and hey just tell me straight into my face eh, i'm not that scary :)
but something i'll tell you, i'm loving what i have now. you should too, i'm not that awesome, really.

//and hmm i realised, why do i feel that i'm not and cant be there for someone who i really wants to and that they need me at that moment? am i really that unsecure that youre afraid that things wont go the right way even with me around? prehaps i'm not right one or is it just not the right time, yet? so many question marks with answers that's not that far, but when those answers come to me, finally?
''?????" i dont know..
if i get too upset someday, will you care?
you know sometimes i really don't know what i want anymore eh,
am i too demanding?
am i too sensitive?
or is it just part and parcel of everything?
if things go back into the past, will i be able to accept the change again?
will things change?
why is it that having just a simple smile seems so hard, one day just take off that smile from my face and ill not smile anymore.
aahhh i really dont know, enlighten me someone pls.

and oh i've think about it,
mayb because of things i do that have or had upset someone else, esp people close to me that's why.... (aahh.. okay..) but huh will things similar happen again, i dont want, but am i being able to prevent it. i hope i wish and i pray that i'll treasure what i have now... cos afterall i'm pretty sure this time round its not just those usual jane i'm concern about :)

''if hiding behind these blankets make things better and solve the problem, i then rather it be this way'' cos i'm more concern about you being happy and smiling widely and not me, being upset..

hohoho,

2010-02-16T00:42:00.007+08:00

hey happy v day, happy new year :)
haha i don't know why this year the feeling for new year's not as strong, and i'm not really very much excited for new year.. :/ is it because its just like any other holiday since i'm having holiday since...hmmm! or is it i'm really not excited for it, perhaps there's other reason linked to this! haha fifteen days to go, slowly mayb the feeling and excitement might just fade in anytime :) anw visitation so far seems fine, quite fun i would say. bonding time always good and fun for you and i eh, no? :/ hahha have fun enjoy woooo!

on the other hand,
ahhh i don't know how i'm actually feeling now..
i know i got to be happy, cos its new year
cos there's nothing much to be sad about,
there's why there's still smile on my face everywhere i go.
but sometimes even trying to put on a decent smile seems hard, why.
am i just thinking too much, or its normal to feel this way, i'm doubting though.
would you rather not know the truth and be happy normally,
or getting to know the truth even when its gonna hurt you in a way or another?
no matter its physically, mentally, etc.
indeed its quite true we all wants to know the truth here and there,
but really eh.
and someday will i get abandon, i dont know..
when truth hurts, we would rather its just a plain dream that's just a dream(fullstop)
hah but sometimes its your eyes that prove everything right..
nope, not your ears that hear things from people.
nah, not those sensitive and unnecessary thoughts that's not so true.
and no, there's no evidence but just that bare and awesome eyes of ours.
i dont want to say, dont ask me.
i dont want people to know, dont guess it.
thoughts that flew into your mind as and when, a min ago with that beautiful and natural smile.
and a min later with such a forceful and fake smile, whats wrong.
and when you find it true enough from my face, it means youve know me well enough :)
and for now,
i'm being able to smile, still.
i'm being able to think on the brighter side, not just because its new year, no no.
i'm being able to joke and laugh, giggle and smile.
i promise ill be able to and will try to sustain as long as possible,
but if one day my smile disappear,
find it back together with me, will you?

AAHHH YOU KNOW THE FEELING.... :/ (jump into the deep deep ocean and swim your :( off)

//anw haha okay i think i better sleep soon, if not i'm gonna break my promise again eh!

ps: darling i'm sorry, i know today i did made you upset a little, i promise i wont mention anything about it again, sorry and have fun visiting k, dont let unnecessary things affect you! and and, eh i dont know what went wrong for you i dont dare to ask i'm afraid youre not ready, but remember, ''i promise you that'' " :)

2010-02-09T11:44:00.005+08:00

//ugh take that pain away,
take those worries away,
take those frowns away,
sleep my sadness away.

on the other hand,
bring those awesome smile on,
smile because it happened,
rejoice for what things are today,
be glad for i still have those people around me.

aha why am i getting so contradicting nowadays, its always easy to be said than done, but i still hope i can be optimistic enough to de those positive things. anw eh.. if you want to get a message across, can you just tell me? you know eh, i'll never guess the right thing or guess what's actually wrong. so just tell me straight ya? i'm sorry i know i can be quite blur and stuff not to understand who youre saying, what youre saying, and even if i read what you wrote i will just think, oh something's bothering you and then (fullstop) yes its true that we are no longer close and perhaps its just hi-bye friends, well its something that cant be changed i guess. sorry you know i'm really afraid things in the past will happen once again, so in every friendship i have now i'll make it awesome. anw i hope school's fun for you, lesson are still rather managable and youre surviving. dont get so busy and miss out the fun times! and well something i got to admit, i know i no longer seems to care much when you start to think about us, (or perhaps sometimes i dont even know youre thinking, i thought it was over), and it might be true i'm sorry. eh i know this dont sound too nice, but its not your fault i guess. hmm its impossible to go back to how we were.. cos i guess i dont want to and i am happy with what i have now, i think you are happy too? if not, i think you should uh, dont let me affect you :) and yeah we can still talk but we know it will be weird and awkward, still we can try it out. we are still who we are, so smile. i'm sure you can find a true friend whose so much better than me, really, someone much better. you know i am just huang jiemin eh, no worries k take care ya!

and darling, dont worry and frown too much. i dont know how to make you feel better and i guess i dont understand the full situation now.. but you just have to know, for whatever things may become now or in time to come, i'll still be here for you! you know i will never break this awesome promise even if i break all the other promises ah :)

2010-02-08T22:25:00.019+08:00

horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrilbe horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible horrible.

enough is enough ah, why give so many chances..

2010-02-05T22:52:00.001+08:00

yohoooo, smile smile smile. smile smile smile and turn the world around :)

i'm only here to make you smile, forget about your troubles for awhile :D

2010-02-03T11:48:00.013+08:00

and i was just thinking, roller coaster's ups and downs really describe it all..

i don't know how i'm feeling now, but i know as long as youre fine i'll be okay!
now, the robbed that smiles, steals something from that thief :)

ps:/ weirdness awkwardness ewww, go away.

jokes, here we gooooo!

2010-01-25T23:44:00.008+08:00

hmm well since ive nothing to do and i'm feeling bored, i flip through some books and i saw this! it may be pretty lame but, hey funnny yo.

why did the man with one hand cross the road?
to get to the second-hand shop! :)

why didn't the skeleton dance?
because he had no body to dance with! :o

who is the ruler of the beach?
the sand-witch! :]

why couldn't the pirates play cards?
because the captain was sitting on the deck! :p

why can't a nose be tweleve inches long?
beause then it'd be a foot! :D

haha right okay one last long one before i go off,

Little Johnny has a speech impediment. his father taught to him to always be polite to people.

The first day of school, Johnny gets on the bus, rememebering what his father told him, says to the bus driver, ''Doog moaning buth driber,''

The bus driver slaps him in the mouth, and sends him back to the back of the bus.

This goes on for four days.

Finally, Johnny tells his father the problem, ''Fatter you tell me to be polite, but when i do the buth driber shlaps my in ma faith.''

His father says, ''Tomorrow I will wait at the bus with you.''

The next day, there they are waiting for the bus. When it arrives Johnny's father says, ''Go on Johnny get on the bus and be polite.''

Johnny does but looks to his father with fear in his eyes.

His father says, ''Go on Johnny.''

So Johnny, wanting to be polite as possible says, ''Doog moaning buth driber.''

With that the bus driver raises his hand in an attempt to strike Johnny in the face, but before he can Jonny's father grabs the driver's hand.

He asks, ''Why do you smack my son, when all he is doing is being polite?''

The bus driver says, ''Betause heeth making fun of me.''

(HAHAHAHA FUNNY BUNNNY AWWW, LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH QUICK!!!! yeah okay i hope these jokes do make you laugh alittle and brighten up your not so awesome day, so smile :))

eh okay, time to sleeep since my eyes are feeling itchy as ever and my nose being a... nuisance once again :/ k nights ciao.

me to you, you to accept it... :)

2010-01-24T23:00:00.005+08:00

awww i heart you many many, whoohoooo! aye lets start this week with a happy post :)

anyway to whoever whose gonna have monday blues, dont worry things will go on fine. i'm sure we can change it to the mondays thats never too blue uh :o

''eh monday only what, there's so many days in a week.. sub sub la, heh have fun!''

2010-01-22T18:56:00.004+08:00

''sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera.''

ahah eeeewwww,

2010-01-21T00:09:00.006+08:00

all these obstacles i thought i could tackle them one by one.. :o

if i let you go
day after day
time passed away
and i just can't get you off my mind
nobody knows, i hide it inside
i keep on searching but i can't find

the courage to show to letting you know
i've never felt so much love before
and once again i'm thinking about
taking the easy way out

but if i let you go i will never know
what my life would be holding you close to me
will i ever see you smiling back at me?
how will i know
if i let you go,

night after nigght
i hear myself say
why can't this feeling just fade away
there's no one like you
you speak to my heart
it's such a shame we're worlds apart

i'm too shy to ask, i'm too proud to lose
but sooner or later i gotta choose
and once again i'm thinking about
taking the easy way out

but if i let you go i will never know
what my life would be holding you close to me
will i ever see you smiling back at me
how will i know
if i let you go,

if i let you go oooh baby,
oooooohhhhh

once agan i'm thinking about
taking the easy way out
ooooooohhhhh

but if i let you go i will never know
what my life would be holding you close to me
will i ever see you smiling back at me
how will i know
(if i let you go)

but if i let you go i will never know
will i ever see you smiling back at me
how will i know
(if i let you go)

hmmm eh i don't know what to do, i don't want to give up i don't want to back out..
cos i know none will be glad about it
but if i do so, will it be a better choice for you and i?
there's really many question marks above me now and then, but i don't know how to start the ball rolling with those awesome questions :/
hah mayb i'm afraid of the answers, or perhaps i'm really not ready to face the fact which i'm pretty sure of..
(i thought, time doesn't matter, people don't make a very big difference, so what am i worried about?)
but why is this going this way...
why is that going that way...
ugh this is getting nowhere i know, c'mon enlighten me someone.
you know sometimes how i wish time can be reverse according to when i want it to be, the exact time, date day,

HAHA right okay give me some time and let me gain some courage to spill out those questions. i'm sorry if i've kept you in suspense, i promise things won't change, it will be just what i think i've been pondering about,
eh but i hope i won't be over optimistic one day and leave everything according to what its gonna be, cos that won't something too good, i supposed..
well for now i'm still able to hang on rather tightly, hmmm!

ps:/ anyway, rest more and get well soon!!!!! i hope tmrw you'll be fine and be as strong as a bull, take care aright :)

i'm thinking, still...

2010-01-15T12:59:00.005+08:00

hohoho-

hmmmm..
there's many things left unsaid but who cares,

2010-01-12T18:23:00.005+08:00

you know even if i ain't smiling very widely now, you must continue to smile k :) don't let me affect you, you know i still want to see you smile! aiyooo... :/

whattttt,

2010-01-10T23:35:00.003+08:00

''huh so many what ifs, how?'' :/
you know i'm really scared, i know i shouldn't but you know the anxiety inside me now, ta bo leh. hahah i'm not thinking too much but so fast so furious.. :o i shall ________ if its not really goood, and i shall ______tooo. but i will ______ when its not that bad, and i defiately will _____! haha guess and check, go go go :)

hmmmm... welll we shall see how. it all depends you know!

ps: hahah you don't worry so much la, i still (don't like) your friend, everytime make you think think think then sad tsk.
(okay i'm still feeling.... urgh)

mix it all up,

2010-01-04T12:08:00.003+08:00

''you told me that you cant do this cant do that but why you can actually do it to the others but not me? :/

you know when i tell you things, i want to update you on what's going on on my side, but haha not much reaction afterall i guess, so what's the point :\

you know that i won't mind spending time thinking about things as long as its worthwhile, but hmmm. for now i'm losing hope, mayb i should not hold on too tightly for now... :O''

//you said i always make you smile everytime when you talk to me, sureeee no problem! just that now you owe me one :p

yea yeah yeahh,

2010-01-03T22:32:00.007+08:00

09's over and 2010's here :D
yay brand new year, brand new start, woooohooooo!

''happy new year! 09 is over, time for new resolutions :0 don't be sad if 09's not done, look into the future! 2010 will be better, no? it will be la, hahah start to enjoy and have fun!!!!''

hahah it started well with an terrible tummy ache you know, the whole night was terrible horrible vegetable :/ hmmm but on the happy note, when i woke up after that everything was much much better, yay :) i think the start of this year quite interesting, many things happened like youve never expect it at all, hmmm! ahyooo but still, i'm very puzzled with many questions not answered in my head now.... :/
(you know i'm very scared to ask those questions, i know its quite dumb thinking this way but at the same time wants to know the answer, ah welll.. cos i know aftermath things will most probably turn out differently)
anw to those whose starting school tml, all the way okay! i'm sure you'll have fun though at first the thought of going back to school, waking up early, carrying of heavy school bags, wearing those high cut socks that's never too short, having nerdy haircuts, homework homework homework and you will go urghhhhhh :( hahah school will be fun, i'm not being fuyan but really la. i'm serious, very serious :) and you, if you see this, all the best in school okay, gambate yo dear you :D

hmmm why ponder on things that will make you upset when there's someone something in front of you being worth your time,
you know you mean a lot to me, and one is enough i'm serious, (but you always make me stone and make me ___ :) haha not your fault la, i knowwwww.... <333333

''so... hmmm okay ahhh now, anything whatever it will be, go away.''

ps:/ haha and oh i had 5 oranges just now, not those small tiny whiny ones okay :o

i know,

2009-12-26T01:07:00.012+08:00

there's no reason you should feel like this
i know i am the only one to blame
i feel your agony
its hidden in your kiss

i don't believe things are said and done
i only hope there'e still time to be the one
we could work it out
if only you let me, oh

whatever you say
whatever you do
there will be good times waiting for you
whatever you hear
i won't disappear
i promise you that
i promise you that

i never said that i could change the world
but ig you give me the chance that i deserve
i know that in your heart
you can forgive me, oh

whatever you say
whatever you do
there will be good times waiting for you
whatever you hear
i won't disappear
i promise you that
i promise you that

we had times only a fool could miss
still there is time to turn it around
i'm not saying it's an easy thing
let me show you
i promise you that
oh, yeah

whatever, whenever
there will be good times waiting for you
whatever you hear, i won't disappear

whatever you say
whatever you do
there will be good times waiting for you
whatever you hear, i won't disappear
i promise you that
i promise you that

whatever you hear i won't disappear
i promise you that
i promise you that

(well it came and didn't go away,
hmmm and i'm sorry but don't ask me why...)

oh before i forget, i wanna wish you sheng dan kuai le! :) may it be a joyous and a blessed one for you you you,

ps: i had a bad dream on a xmas eve, don't come true plsssssssss :( i promise i will learn thru that dream!!!!!!!! hmmm ohno, ________ & i still feel more is coming out but who cares, okay goodnight ciao.

yupppp

2009-12-19T23:47:00.004+08:00

many small things and action of yours make me smile, you made me smile :) and you know no matter what happens, youre still that someone very important and someone i really treasure a lot :D

and i'm still hanging on...

oh. ahha.

2009-12-17T22:26:00.009+08:00

it is really weird or is it just me, ahyooooo. what's with human beings and their mindset tsk! sometimes i rather not know the truth, but who doesn't want to. only when one get to know the truth out of the many truths, then we think: ahya why did i go all out to find out the truth and now i'm feeling this way :/ ahhhh human beings, oh wellllllll.... (but if you feel it's worth it, why not rightttt :))

aight i shall go and grab some comfort food to comfort myself now,

so, this is it.

2009-12-16T12:58:00.007+08:00

its a mistake not to treasure what you have and then regret it after it's gone or become different. i think i'm one good example, why is it when things are fine and in order i tend to not let it go according. it's a matter of choices, maybe right from the very very start, things are just not going in order because of the way i think it should be. thinking about it, getting angry being jealous and many other things, really make both party don't feeel goood. i know nothing i say now gonna worked, the only thing i could do now is mainly think through & repent, hahha thinking if this is really want i want. thinking if i want things to go according to my way, will it be a happy win-win situation for you and i. now that youre tired, its really time for me to do something. trust me you really don't have to do anything, i neeed to do something about this. but what, when, how, where, why- all these funny questions will just come to my mind. and the only reply i could give is, not because i think i have to, not because i'm sorry and doing things without thinking, but because i still care a lot.

maybe it's gonna be hard cos everything it takes two hands to clap, but i'll try.
maybe it's hard to imagine i'm gonna do something to make things get better, i'll hopefully prove you wrong.
and maybe it's hard to trust me again, but i'll not give up.
from the start i ain't a very awesome person, but i know i have to become one to ensure you that things and problems will become nothing tough but something managable at least for you and i. and this is just the beginning of everything, maybe perhaps i'm not the person who then bring much joy and smiles onto your face but still i hope to make you feel better in one way or another, and even if youre giving up in the end, i won't cos i promised you.

hmmm everything comes and goes, and now i'm left with nothing.
''when you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.'' ya hanging onnnnnn..

y.a.y :D

2009-12-14T22:37:00.005+08:00

haha okay i shall post something, and here it gooooooo, 1 2 1 2 3 4!
hmmmm S.O.S just ended last friday, whoa. fun and exciting i would say :) sermon this year was rather easy to understand, very goooood! :D but still i'm sorry cos sometimes i still tend to feel sleepy during sermon :/ but yay survived okay! okay now let me write some notes for jokers :)

joey: yay it was great bieng in your group jokers :D though at first the group was just mainly the few of us who went high but it doesnt reallly work :/ but still, you were really a good leader. i hope we didn't mae you feel too stressed yeah, jokers joke and joke :) nice knowing you even more during camp, jiayou yeah :D and mayb we'll talk more in time to come, yay you rock my funky toes!

zhengyang: stop asking me to shut up :( so rude eh. since day 1 when the camp haven even started. ahyooooo and you kept making me laugh even when it's time to get serious :) tsk. yes cos that's the way we communicate uh. but you know we can communicate in a better way hor,
anw it was great being in the same group as you once again :) bringing all the jokes and laughters with you all the time, cheer each of us up each day! i like having you in the group yang yang :D

jiaen: hahha you don't always so quiet and don't share leh. first day so quiet, tskkkkk :/ but yeah you opened up very quickly, good goood. though before camp we do talk here and there, but through this camp i got to know you better!!!! :) and glad that youre in my group, a very sporty person when it comes to games, yay. you played a role in this joker group, so don't act shy la. yeah :)

bennny: you very cute, speaking whenever you feel like saying :) sporty person though you don't know us very well since the beginning. your sharings, acting and attitude throughout the whole camp was awesome. i like your innocence :) must come church more often then we can talk and know everyone better :) haaha & yes nice group mate in joker, go go go!

wenhan: haha hmmm though we dont really talked a lot during camp and you hardly will be with us joker, but yeah your attendences during meals esp, were very much appreciated by each of us. trying hard to spend some time with us even when youre busy with log :/ hmmmm hope you enjoyed and have your part of fun during camp, yay! :)

fanghui: haha i only know youre jasmine's cousin and she told me you very high. hmmm actuallly okay la, not bad :) though at times you cannot take it regardless whenever is it games or anything you didn't really complain but jian chi dao di :) yeah thanks for being such a cooperative joker in joker! hahah yup, hope to see you often in church tooo, yayaya tata.

cheryl: you. haha though you always together with fanghui, but i can tell you two always have the must win this and that face :) i'm sorry i didn't really talk to you a lot during camp but, stillll angel & mortal play a very big role uh. thanks for being always there to keep joker going, we are jokers and they are joke :) yup hope to see you more on sundays though i think youre from the english side :/ ahhaa.

and hmmm, something random but yeah.
helllo don't think so much about that thingy thing la :/ i know its hard and youre letting go, but its not gonna be easy to forget i know! stilll when you don't show youre sad, i know you are. i know i know, its just that i don't say it out :/ hmmmm sometimes i still think, perhaps what your friend said was right, i shouldn't get into the picture right fromt he start :O i know youre gonna tell me not to think so much and saying that you already dont care, but still it matters quite a little, i guess. don't worry i'm okay when i'm typing this, i'm fine cos i know.... :) yeah i give you one of my smiles and you must carry it wherever you go,
hahha awww cos you know i still heart you many many <3

ayyy now's the time for some fruits,

2009-12-12T23:51:00.001+08:00

whoooohooooo wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

2009-11-30T00:13:00.002+08:00

aahhhhhh :/

i know i know, i really know...

2009-11-29T00:37:00.003+08:00

''enttauscht von jdn''
aahhh crap i really don't know what's going on. i'm sorry maybe i'm just thinking too much,

gulu gulu gulu,

2009-11-26T23:51:00.007+08:00

hello you you you & you! :D
yeah it's been a week since i post something but because i'm lazy to log in and post so ya, but for now let me think of something to post uh.
hmmm before anything else, why is the weather so hot nowadays? raining days are still the best, aaahh :) so yay tomorrow a public holiday, and poly students watch here! you're having holiday tomorrow, have an awesome weekend though it might not be a very long nor short weekend :) seeeee, so after a long period of schooling here's a day of extra holiday for you! very good, excellent, marvellous, fantastic and awesome :D

hahah oh anyway, quick ask me what have i been up to these days!!!!!! i've been busy doing puzzles, eating comfort food, falling asleep anytime anywhere, and busy doing things that's very imporant but not exercising uh oh :/ on the other hand eh, doing puzzle's really fun you know! but at the same time someone said that it's spoiling my eyes :/ cos ive been doing puzzle without fail eh. hmmm but on the happier note, i'm finishing soon :) and i aim to finish it by this sunday, even if i don't someone nice out there will still complete it for me no? :D (maybe i should be nice and leave more for you to do, i'm nice :)) aright now i'm gonna continue with searching my puzzle :) ill update sooon, it just depends on when it will be!

and quans zhengyang kenneth, SOS is coming, i'm excited you know, i really am! :) okay let me see, just..... 11 more days, yay!

yayyyyy i'm enjoying my holidays, but still let me have more fun before i just down to do something less relaxing :) hmmm and hooray darling your exams's coming to an end sooon, just the last step, way to gooooo! :D btw yeah w, paper's over now it's the time for some serious talk :/ hahah,

2009-11-18T15:30:00.008+08:00

hahah i realised life is like a roller coaster, you don't know when will the sharp turn comes, you don't know when's the ups and down point in life :/ it's always i guess this, i think that; but what's the real reason behind it, we don't know. but why is it that it's always when the race is gonna be over, we feel like giving up :/thinking that the journey is too tough, too tiring for us to continue. haha well, perseverance is the key word i guess :)

hmmm i think i cannot get influence by others, hahah :) when someone's sad and don't feel good, you're supposed to cheer them up or something, and not get into the same mood as them! :D
yeah so darling don't get so sad or demotivated, i know this will be a tough journey and physics can get a little nuisance at times, but don't give up :) it will be fine, and definately you'll be able to do it! you make have faith in yourself, just like i have in you :) :) :) i'm always here cheering you on, and i promise you after your papers i will make you have so much fun that you won't feel sad aight!

''Today, give a friend one of your smile. It might be the only sunshine she sees all day.''
and now i see you without a smile, so i give you one of my smiles and hope you will feel better and continue to smile :)

''don't give up at half time. concentrate on winning the second half.''

and hmmm i'm sorry if i didn't managed to cheer you up or make you feel better ya? :/ don't stress, everything will turn out fine, i heart you many :)

oh aaahhhh,

2009-11-17T01:39:00.010+08:00

''smile smile smile, i'm smiling'' hahha this is what i told myself, but what's wrong with me :/ i really thought it's fine already. i treat everything normally, talk normally like before, but why is it that things ain't what it is now. knowing a person for very very long will bring me more harm than benefits, no? :/ but this is what happened. no mayb not to all my fellow friends, but only you i guess. haha not telling me what's going on and what's wrong, expecting me to find out all by myself uh, very awesome. aaahh i really was fine and happy with things now, but coming online or rather going on to fb seems like a bad choice :( being able to see all the different status of you you you, awww so sucky :\ haha mayb perhaps i shouldn't come online so often, mayb once a week will do? we shalll see about it, anyway there's nothing i can do with technologies! so complicated and laggy and so confusing :/ well everyone loves things to be short and sweet, easy and managable :) but life can't be so easy, if not only got one colour! hahah okay i decided to not come online so often, do something productive rather than sitting infront of a non-living thing with such confusingly letters and alphabets and things that will then be seen to ponder about :/ (still i think the main reason is that things doesn't go according to your way and will, but it's such a lame excuse i think :/ haha ohwell) and erm hahah, this is not going to be one emo post, it's just some things that are unknown that have to be known now :)

hahahh so all in all, yeah i'm still grateful that god made me go through this, cos from this i know i have darling, a group of friends being as retarded and encouraging, someone who know me so well, and people telling me to continue smiling :D yayyyy haha, thank you and i appreciate each encouragement from every single one of you, cos still i'm smiling like i always do! don't think and ponder, just have fun, and definately i'm going to have many fun :)

there's many pathways to choose from, why not walk the one that everyone does instead of walking your own way uh :)

something is going on :))))

2009-11-16T00:45:00.007+08:00

yawnnnnnn :/ six hours of sleep had done no good to me! hahahah but i don't think i'm sleeping yet :))))) i want to watch that four oclock show, provided i'm awake still i guesss. hmmmm, so anw yay holidays are here and i really think i should do something prductive, no? :/ give me suggestions, ermmm reading of story books, packing my never-so-neat room, read through me notes(for no good reason, before i put them away), watching tv for the whole day, sleep eat sleep eat, exercise here and there, take a stroll downstairs, eat all my cravings in one go, hahah and the list go on.. :) i'm not gonna have a good good and fun time yet, i'm waiting patiently for someone to have fun with me :D very fasttttttt, vroooom! oh oh, today people went to sentosa, but i didn't, hahaha :/ i'm not sad or anything, just feel so weird without seeing the usual people around after serice each sunday, awww. haha but not to worry, i'm not missing you all la :) i had my part of fun toooo, hohoho.
hahaha darling, you don't think i'll not get upset over that issue uh. i will sad one hor though i always laugh laugh laugh, and if i do i'll hide in the cupboard(just like da xionggggg) and dwell about it you know haha, and when i do that no one can reach me even you, and when that happens the world will be sad down and dull. i will turn the world upside down :) haha but don't worry don't stress, go ahead with what you intend to do as long as youre happy funky docky, cos still, i'll definately smile when you see me each time round, (smile smile smile..) :) and please take care of yourself, seee doctor when he's needed, must take this thing seriously, i'm serious hmmm :/ if not i'll really gong your head after your papers, i don't want to kill any of your brain cells before your papers all end, gambate yo :D goooooooo..

aight i think i should do something productive now, tatata :D
(those happy and hilarious moments just make me smile like i am now, no matter what it will still be in my awesome brain :)) ohno, my stomach's rumbling now i think i'm hungry :/ okay let me grab some junk and sit infront of the tv and stone :)

YAMI & YOGURU, I WANT. SOMEONE BRING ME THERE SOON :) YAYYYY, I'M WAITINGGGG....

:)

2009-11-12T00:40:00.010+08:00

If at time you feel you want to cry
and life seems such a trial
above the clouds there's a bright blue sky
so make your tears a smile :P

As you travel on life's way
with its many ups and downs
rememeber its quite true to say
one smile is worth a dozen frowns :>

Among the worlds expensive things
a smile is very cheap
and when you give a smile away
you get one back to keep :D

Happiness comes at times to all
but sadness comes unbidden
and sometimes a few tears must fall
among the laugher hidden :O

So when friends have sadness on their face
and troubles round them piled
the world will seem a better place
and all because you smiled :)

hahah at times when we thought things are falling apart and nothing can be done to fix the matter back, the only thing we can do is to smile. cos when things goes the wrong direction, just give it your best, for we know that what comes out after that will be more than what we expect from it :) yeah so lets alll smile smile smileeee, and turn the world around :D
and now when i think about what i've been pondering about during the most important period this year, i find it really silly :/ why think about what had happened since its the past, and not look into the bright future? something beyond the control of mine, there's nothing i can do. and since we are all happy peeps now, just let it rest like that :) it seems like a better choice and decision made, no? :) hahahah yay, anyway papers finally ended, so whats next. okay i got to do something productive, other than smiling my life away rightttttxxxzzzz :) hmmm lets seee, many things are waiting for me to reach out to them, mayb perhaps i should do something about it uh. okay, tomorrow tomorrow, we shalll see how things go about! i willl study, { : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : > : > : > : > : > : > : > : > :D : D : D : D : D : D :D :D : O : O : O : O : O : O : O : O } and darling jiayou, way to gooooooo!!!!!! :))

hmmmm welll, give me some time alone and i'll tell you what i will do next, fortunately :)

and we all know,

2009-11-08T23:03:00.005+08:00

hahah whats wrongggggggg with me :/ i dont know if i should feel this way, but i am. why am i feeling so worn-out so easily nowadays, i think i'm too unhealthy!!!! perhaps i should exercise before i fall reallly sick, (and well sometimes i wonder, why is there so many what-ifs here and there, ahyooooo.)
oh anyway, pool was awesome :) awwww, lets all go for pool again sooooon k :D
FNN tomorrow then, combine science mcq on wednesday! :) so fast, but how i wish we can all go back to..... half a year ago :/ awww.

hey you, all the best for your coming papers! sleep enough to survive through, eat enough to get enough energy and smile more to feel happpy and not so stressed up :) and i know you neeed motivation now, there you goooooooo:

anyway hmmm yeah, i know this is not going to be a very smooth and happy and not stressful journey of 3 good weeks :/ but stilll, i'm sure after all those mugging and studying in the late nights and early morning, you can make it! expect the unexpected :) AND DON'T MAKE CARELESS MISTAKES LIKE I DO, :/ and yup, and we all know that because you must study so cannot really talk much, but its all right. i will keep myself busy with things and activities going on everyday kkkk, (i shall try) don't worry i will be happy studying, like i said. i hope that thing i sew did motivate you and keep you going, ya? :) the tough road will be smooth and a nice and awesome path to walk on sooon, then you will have fun ttm! don't give up, persevere on!!!!!!! 20 days, way to go :D

(and i will talk to you after that awesome 20 days k, i promise hahah :))

YOUUU,

2009-11-08T02:14:00.002+08:00

HELLO I AM HAPPPY HAPPPY HAPPPY, (YOU SEE THIS,) HAHHA I'M POSTING THIS JUST FOR YOU :) AND THANKS FOR WHATS GOING TO COME, (YOU KNOW WHAT) :D XIE XIE NIIII,

2009-10-31T00:04:00.009+08:00

welll what's the point of having so many, one is enough and i know i'll be happy and smile because of that one and only :) if not, i would rather stand alone,

and i dont know if this is true,
i just hope its not.
so even though it may be true,
accept it that way.
what comes and go again,
is something within my control.
hoping that things will go according to my way,
makes life tough for you and i.
- so whats the point dwelling on the problem, look forward to the brighter side and things will change inside out.

whatever now and then,

2009-10-29T17:19:00.008+08:00

hmmm hmm 3 days had passed, 4 more days of paper to go :) indeed time flies real fast eh. well nowadays i feel so drained and perturbed, but i'm pretty sure it's not because of exams, :/ so what's wrong. hahah mayb perhaps i'm just thinking too much,

but how is it possible to not think and ponder over it, when i see you every day. how is it possible to not be myself when i know i know something :/ impossible, well i'm not thinking, i'm not thinking, i just am imagining uh. from this to that, then from that to goner. sometimes i really ask myself, what went wrong. its just a small matter, but it seems like a big big problem! awwww, ohwelll this is life.

but still, darling i'm really grateful that you are so caring! no worries, i definately will take care of myself yeah :) 8 glasses of water everyday, and exercising now and then makes me healthy huh :) i aplogise for making you worry so often these days aright, i'm fine, totally okay. mugggg hard, and we will have fun very very soon :D take care darling,

hahah sometimes its really not what i want it to turn out into, having a good start and happy morning makes you go, wahhh whoooo! but somehow it just turn so sour bit by bit, why is it so? :\ i wonder,
i just hope my bestest and closest ones wont be 'stolen' away from me anymore, and that includes you! hmmm its not me having no faith, i do i do, i really do have :) but its just that i'm really scared that history repeats itself, and yeah.. a friend of mine told me that, eh just snatch your friend back, but i was reluctent. not because i dont want to, but because i aint good at snatching someone back, mayb i wont say bye to you yet, cos perhaps this is just part and parcel of life. still i'm glad you were once my close buddy, and at least i was and am glad to see you being happy now,

ohwell :'/ but darling, whatever it is, i'm still happy that i have you. dont give up on me, i know at times i'm rather stubbon and someone who gives you headaches( trying to think of ways to make me happy and other unnecessary things, under the sun) :( BUT STILL, I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT: ''HEY YOU REALLY MEAN A LOT A LOT TO ME :D''

:D

2009-10-27T20:03:00.004+08:00

hello hahah, two days of paper's over! both was managable, i wont say its very easy but hmmm, we all can do yeah :) so after tomorrow's maths paper then i will feel much more relieve! cos maths eh maths, i have no confidence you knowwwww :/ hahah okay so anw, my main purpose of coming online to to post something for someone somewhere out there,

'recent research suggests that losing sleep after night can increase the risks of obesity, heart disease and depression' :/ hahah i'm not saying youre obese or very depressed, but just to share with you la, so dont lose sleep night after night laaaaaa :) must be like me, sleep more, and you dont dont sleeep la hor! cos losing sleep will also impairs manual dexerity and the ability of the brain to work creatively :\ awwww you cannot lost creatice you know, i still prefer you being creative :D yayyyyyy. and darling, i'm sorrry ( you know what), i know what you meant but i just reacted that way, i should make you feel better but i doubt i did uh :/ but stilll you must continue to be happy and i willl try not to be upset, you also kkkkkk. my exam started, yours gonna start in a few weeks time, mugggg hard! you already studied hard, so you will do wellll :) dont think the nagative side, I'M HERE you knowwwww. and yeah no matter what, remember what i tell you through that msg k :) gambate yo darling,

aright i shalll offf the computer now, tsk tsk tsk :/

2009-10-23T12:47:00.004+08:00

HI I THINK YOU MADE MY DAY!!!!!!! JOKES REALLY MAKE YOU GO HIGHHHH, :D HAHHAH I'M SORRY, I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING, I THINK I'M TOO HAPPPY! :)

(i shall edit this post when i'm back, rushing to school nooowwww! :D ahhah)

2009-10-23T12:02:00.004+08:00

yayy one paper down, though it wasn't a very good one :/ hahah but ohwell, i wasted my marks though. so its just a few more days till the main papers, but if you ask me if i'm totally prepared for it, my answer will be: no :/ so yeah i going back to school later, for the last consultation before the days are here! and and and, i realised actually there's only a good seven days of papers, but its spread out till it last for 3 weeeks :( awwww, but its gonna pass in a blink of eyes, yeah. okay i think i should go and prepare and go to schoool before i feel lazy and tired to get out of my house :\

joy is the flag flown high

from the castle of my heart

from the castle oj my heart

from the castle of my heart

joy is the flag flown high

from the castle of my heart

that the king is the residence there,

so let it fly in the sky

let the whole world know(x3)

so let it fly in the sky

let the whole world know

that the king is the residence there,

time pass as fast as wind,

2009-10-21T10:01:00.006+08:00

hmmmm so fast, so furious :/ and now the days to Os is half of the total number of fingers i have altogether! hahha so what am i doing here, at this time, on this dayyyyyyyy!
well these day, i have allll kind of funnny to weird dreams, to stupid dreams, etc. is it that i'm too tired, thats why i have all these dreams? hahha i think so. managed to study, yay yay yay :D anyway, practical's tomorrow, i hope i wont forget there is(after the holidays i had), i hope it will turn out just fine, just those usual ones we did in classs :) and i willl be as creative as someone toooo :D hahaha we all have creative brain juice yeah,

hmmm sometimes i do wonder,
if both you and your friend didnt drift apart or rather, were like how you two were last time
will we be what we are now? hahah,
what if..
what if..
what if..
(ohwelllll,)

hahha its random, but thats just some wonders i have in mind la, :) aright, the computer is almost done scanning, i really got to go and study now! and i cant stop sneezing but i know whyyy :) hahah tata.

uh oh uh oh uh oh,

2009-10-15T17:15:00.009+08:00

heyyyyooooo, hhaha i feel so healthy today, 'cos i walked home from school, (only you know you know why) i took ermmmmm, 20 mins and i'm here, home sweet home! :) so yup, supposingly i should wake up earlier to go school for consulation, but due to some inconvenience cause, i didnt managed to meet friends at 10 :/ after some pestering from them, i decided that i should go uh. so offf i go to school, at 12plus :) ate some canteen food for the last time i supposed; i will definately miss those foooooddddd!!! yup so studied a little, but hmmm not a lot though :/ then, yeah slack study slack till decided to go off, supposingly to go off somewhere, but ohwelll, we went seperate ways! then i decided to walk home instead, then thoughts went through my mind :) hmmmm, yup yup yup! oh hahah, before i forget, i did something really stupid today :\ i actually ironed a 2 dollar note thats made up of plastic, so now its a little distorted :( HAHHA YOU CAN ASK ME TO SHOW YOU IF YOU WANNA TAKE A LOOK AT THAT NOTE :)

haha hmmm darling told me that, dont cry over those who made you cry, for they are not worthy, (yeah its quite true, so why should they be worthy of your tears )
but the thought of it, really sadden me :/ i feeel so distant suddenly, really distant. sometimes i wonder, is it because of what ive done :\ hmmmmm. this is not the first time i'm feeling this way, you know. the past few times, i thought: hmmm maybe its just them making friends, nothing much. but haha, it turn out to be that, its not the case. its like bringing them together, but not feeling happy at all :( and the feeling is really sucky, though from the outside, people might see that, nothing's wrong, or rather. we all feel that there's no wrong at all, but frankly speaking, something's not right, right :) aright there's nothing i can do now, just sit here and watch the show as it continues.. hahah oh we shall see how things goes about!

hahha eh, mayb its just that i dont really frown infront of others, so only people whose really close to me, knows when i'm happy, upset, etc :) so anyway, i should smile :) smile :) smile :) and smile :) rightttxxxzzz. (if i smile you'll smile, then i'll smile!)

BLAHBLAHBLAH

2009-10-13T23:28:00.003+08:00

WHEN WE'RE LATE, WE SEE HER. (AND WE DO SEE HER ALMOST EVERYDAY LA :/)

A CLASS NOT BIG NOR VERY SMALL :)

WE ARE THE RETARDED PEOPLE, THERE'S MORE TO COME :D (THESE ARE MY RETARDED FRIENDS, ONE MORE MISSING, LET ME GO AND DIG OUT HER PICTURE!)

2009-10-10T19:15:00.017+08:00

''smile when you're happy,
smile when you're sad.
smile whenever you can,
for a smile chases away the blues.''

hahaah but sometimes i still wonder, what's wrong:
i thought everything was fine
i thought everything was great
i thought everyone was happy
i thought i was content
but i was wrong,

di da di da,

2009-10-07T20:03:00.010+08:00

Your eye is on the sparrow
And your hand, it comforts me
From the ends of the earth to the depth of my heart
Let your mercy and strength be seen

You call me to your purpose
As angels understand
For your glory, may you draw all men
As your love and grace demand

And i will run to you
To your words of truth
Not by might, not by power
But by the spirit of God
Yes i will run the race
'Till i see your face
Oh let me live in the glory of your grace

hahah i know i was rather annoyed by the fact of what had happened, but well i dont know why i just cant 'bear' to show it to you :/ perhaps its not on purpose, but hey its not the first time you know. the feeling is so so so sucky, i must say. mayb i think, its just the fact that i cant bear to. now i must agree on why my friend always tell me that my heart is too soft, cos i dont get angry with anyone at all. even if i did, and i told myself i have to, by the time i see you, my heart just melt :) HAHA I THINK COS I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH LA, BUT SOMETIMES I DO WONDER IS THAT A GOOD OR A BAD THING, :\ hmmm so anyway, school's coming to an end soon! i think i will miss my retarded friends very very much, :) i think i will miss those canteen food that i got sick of after 5 years. i think i will miss almost everyone from my class, though there might be unpleasant history behind it. i think i will miss assembly, those chaplet session whereby alomost everyone dont want to listen and sleep, those class bonding activities that were so bonding uh, those upset times when you cry i cry cry, those happy and enjoyable moments when you smile i laugh, those kind loving teachers who always scold us till we almost got sick of, those punishments that we were used to, those nagging that went on and on, those warm and hot classrooms that we complain almost every single day, those rules and regulations that we thought it doesnt really make sense, those late slips i got for i go school NOT on time, those detentions going around school(watering plants and serving the school) and self study in the dungeon, hahah all-in-all, everything! i think i'll miss school, ohwell :( (FAIRFIELD, OH FAIRFIELD) hahhaaa aright, i shall post my school hymm, school motto, school song and everything else that is realted to school, the next time i post a post! :D tata.

ps:/ hihihi, you take care and get well soon, yup yup yup! dont fall sick, if not i will hide in that corner la. and of course, i heart you many many <3
aright now, i shall go be one happy mugging nerd kiddo, ciaooo!

haha wondering,

2009-10-05T20:35:00.008+08:00

monday blues is always so blue :/

haha hello there, well actually i'm quite reluntant to sign in post something, but hmmmm, since someone ask me to, then all right! here you goooooo,
yuppp, this week is gonna be the last week of school, yayyyy? HAHA I'M EXCITED BUT AT THE SAME TIME, (AAHHH OHNO, I DONT LIKE COS OF, YOU KNOW WHY) :( but well, the day still have to come somehow someday and in some way! i'm studying, i'm studying and i'll continue to, yup yup :)
anyway, eh i thought everything was quite fine and all right now, but i guess its not really this case :/ but i realised actually i'm wrong. i know what's going on, i thought you know i knew but i think it isn't this case ya? sometimes i just wish that i dont know anything, cos even i know i have to pretend i dont know anything, or rather i dont mind whatever is going on :\ but the fact is that, yes i dont mind, but its hard to pretend i dont know anythinggggg >:/ haha and the funny thing is that, i found out the truth by myself, and the fact that youre actually someone whose so close but yet at the same time, not :( hahah i really dont know how to explain the feeling inside me now, you knowwwww. ahyaya, and sometimes i really want to say: i'm sorry but i really want you back very very much :S yeah on the other hand, its true that you and i seems like we're enjoying everyday and stuff, but i feel its really different you know :/ yup yup, aright.
plus, on the other hand, hey youuuu. i dont like the fact that everytime i talk to you, _______ tsk tsk tskkkkkkkk,
okay nevermind, i shall not think about it, mayb its just nothing much, the bond is still as strong, hahah (i hope so) :)

ps:/ hmmm d, i wish you were here with me now, now, nowwww :\

mixtape
You say hello, inside i'm screaming i love you
You say goodnight, in my mind
I'm sleeping next to you
You drive away from my car crash of a heart
And i don't know

But you gave me the best mixtape i have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you

You talk to him, n it burns me like the sun
You talk to her, n you say that you feel like he's the one
I talk to me, but you can't feel the pain I feel
You don't know

Cause you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the sad songs ain't so sad
I only wish that there was so more that
About me and you

Oh, don't turn around and say bye again
Yeah it crushes my head when you call me
Your friend and i'm not the same person
From back in the day in the back of the class
That you thought was gay
No I can't find the words cause i lost them
The minute they fell out of my mouth
And it's love and I'm in it, so give me your lips
And let's get messed up and listen to probably...

The best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you
About me and you
About me and you
About me and you
About me and you
About me and you